Why is communication important?

Communication is an important part of supporting our loved ones around problems related to drugs or alcohol. In many situations, families and friend have already had multiple conversations with their loved ones about their substance use, but nothing seems to change after the talk. There are some tips and strategies you can use to help you achieve a better outcome.

You might find yourself struggling to understand what is happening to your loved one as well as how you can support them. There is no better way to learn about the situation other than talking to them directly.

The purpose of communication

The first thing to think about is what do you want to achieve from the communication. Do you want to learn more about what your loved one is going through? Do you want to let them know there is support for them?

Knowing what you are looking for in a conversation can give you ideas on the questions or topics to focus when you talk. You can learn more about starting a conversation here.

How to communicate better? 

Learning assertive communication

There are four different styles of communication (passive, aggressive, passive-aggressive, and assertive). We all have a style or styles we are more comfortable using, but just because they’re comfortable doesn’t mean they’re effective.

Today, we’ll focus on assertive communication. Assertive communication is a method that clearly communicates your feelings and needs in a respectful way.

An example of assertive communication is: “I feel disrespected when you come home substance-affected”.

The main idea of assertiveness is that you are respecting your own needs but also respecting their needs.

Assertiveness is often effective, but it can take practice. Check out Breakthrough’s guide to Becoming assertive  or the worksheet Becoming more assertive to help you get started practicing.

Assertive communication in practice

Other than educating yourself about addiction and learning the effects of different substances, here are some skills you can try to boost the effectiveness of your communication:

• Be brief on what you want to say and plan ahead, so you are clear on what you want to achieve from the talk.
• Be mindful about your tone and how you frame what you say. Try to use more ‘I statements’.
• Target specific behavior. E.g., ‘I got really worried when you were still out at 2 am.”
• Don’t hesitate to share your feelings too.
• Offer understanding statements. Try to put yourself in your loved ones’ position, to understand why they say what they said or feel what they feel. By understanding their position and sharing this with them, naturally, they will think of you as their ally rather than their enemy.
• Accept partial responsibility. Even if it is just a small thing, by accepting it, you are showing your loved one that you are willing to fight alongside them rather than blaming and judging from the opposite side.
• Avoid toxic positivity. An example of this would be “Just stay positive, others have been through worse” Instead, try genuine optimism by saying things like “You are not alone, there is support to help you through this.”

Remember to take care of yourself

You can’t pour from an empty glass, so remember to take care of yourself as well. Your own health and wellbeing is important.

If you would like to talk to someone about what else you can do, or what other support is available, you can have a chat with our counsellors online.

You can also join our online community to share your thoughts. You will be able to connect with other carers or people going through similar problems as your loved one.