February 24 is International Family Drug Support Day, when people around the world recognise the importance of supporting families who are affected by alcohol and/or other drugs. The theme for 2024 is Supported Families — Stronger Communities. Loved ones play a crucial role in minimising harm in our communities and deserve recognition and support for their experiences. At Counselling Online, we’re here for family members, friends, neighbours, colleagues — anyone who is affected by or concerned about drug use. Check out our Helping others resources or chat to our counsellors online — free, confidential, 24/7. Thank you to everyone out there who cares for somebody who uses substances.

Here are some tips for things you can do when your loved one is struggling with drinking and/or drug use.

How to start the conversation

When it comes to unfamiliar issues, we can feel lost about how start the conversation. However, there is very little information you can gather without first talking to your loved one about what is happening. Below are few things you can think about to prepare yourself to talk to your loved one about drinking or drug use.

First, do your research

Before you start the conversation, it might be useful to understand the stage your loved one is at in the Stages of Change. You might also want to investigate withdrawal symptoms — your loved one might need medical assistance to cut down safely.

What is the purpose of the conversation?

It’s importance to manage your expectations about what the conversation will achieve.

It’s understandable to want your loved one to quickly stop using substances, but the truth is, even if you do manage to talk them into trying to quit, no change is going to last if they’re not ready to stop using.

So, think about what you want to achieve by having the conversation. For example, maybe you want them to start thinking about the consequences of their use, or you just want them to know they can trust you and share their struggles with you.

When do you want to have the conversation?

Be mindful about the timing of your conversation. Try to find a time when you’re both feeling calm. If your loved one has been using, or you’re feeling upset and agitated, it can be difficult to have a meaningful conversation. 

What do you want to say and how do you want to say it?

It’s important to attempt to stay calm during the talk. It’s normal to feel emotional, so pause when you need to and take a few deep breaths. Heightened emotions can lead us to say things that are hurtful and detrimental. It’s important to check in with yourself and think about what you want to say next.

Try to use ‘I’ statements. For example, instead of saying “You should stop using because you’re hurting everyone around you”, you can frame it like this: “I feel worried about you when you’re using”. You can read more about ‘I’ statements here.

Be a good listener. Give your loved one a chance to say what they feel. Be patient. It’s likely this is only the first of many conversations.

What if my loved one isn’t ready to change? 

People need to be ready for any type of change, and they can be at different stages of readiness — it often doesn’t come on all at once. It’s normal for you to want change right away, but the reality is often different. 

If your loved one isn’t ready to change, trying to push them to seek help or convince them to change may not be a good idea. It could make them feel pressured and pull away from you. Sometimes it takes time for people to see the problems their use is causing.

Try small conversations, planting the seeds and giving them time to think about things. It’s the little conversations that can lead to bigger conversations, which in time leads to change. Keeping the lines of communication open is so important.

What else can I do to help them?

Beyond having conversations, it’s important to educate yourself around substance use. Having a better understanding of the issues your loved one is facing can help you figure out how to support them. Check out these helpful links:

• Understand addiction
• Set clear boundaries
• Take care of yourself

How can I support myself?

Now that you have a basic understanding about what is happening with your loved one, you need to remember to support yourself. You can’t pour from an empty glass. By taking care of yourself, you are slowly filling the glass. When your loved one is ready, you will have enough resources and energy to support them.

Accessing support can be a good way to help you strengthen your skills and knowledge for everything we’ve discussed. Here are some resources that can help you:

• Family Drug Support (FDS):
  • 1300 368 186
  • Offers 24/7 alcohol and drug support to the families and affected others.
  • More resources and fact sheets by FDS here.
• Al-Anon Family Groups Australia:
  • Similar to Alcohol Anonymous (AA), Al-Anon groups are specifically for people affected by someone else’s alcohol use. You can find more information including meeting times on their website.
• Alcohol and Drug Foundation (ADF):
  • Find information related to different substances on the ADF website. Here you can learn more about the different substances and their effects.
  • ADF – path2help: Check out their brief assessment questions to figure out what support is available.
• Lifeline Support Toolkit:
  • Lifeline provides great mental health and crisis support. Their support toolkit site has some great information around different topics, including domestic and family violence and drug and alcohol use.
  • Read more around substance misuse.

They’re not ready to change, but I can’t wait

It’s important to prioritise your own health and safety. Sometimes, no matter how much we love someone, we can reach a point where being around them isn’t good for us. If you’ve tried to talk to your loved one about substance use and found they’re not ready to pursue change, it’s ok to take some time and consider whether you need to put some space between you, or even go no contact. Give yourself permission to consider your own needs and act accordingly.

Reach out to us

If you still feel overwhelmed or just need someone to talk to, you can chat to a counsellor or join our online support community and share your thoughts with others who get what you’re going through.